For those of you who know me, you know that I have a newly-turned 9 year old participating in 3rd and 4th grade recreational basketball. For those of you who don't, now you do. I hated sports when I was younger, not because of the physical activity, but mainly because of the cliques. My class was small, and when I was in P.E. class I was always stuck with the popular girls in the game of 3 on 3 basketball. That sucked. I ran back and forth, looking like a nube when the little snotty things refused to pass the ball to me because---well, let's face it--I wasn't the most coordinated or talented student of all. But doesn't that mean I should get a chance to practice? So I might become a better player? Instead, after too many times running back and forth, never getting the ball, I stopped. Flat out refused to look like a chump anymore, and told the coach to stuff it when he began yelling at me. Normally a wonderfully cooperative student, I could become a stubborn mule when it became abundantly clear that I was being mocked or treated unfairly. To make a long story short, I did not see the point in signing up for any sports since that was probably going to be my future in any sports activity.
And that is what is slightly humorous in my situation now, the position of softball mom, basketball mom, and who knows what other sports mom in the future??? I love that my daughter is part of a team and she gets a wonderful opportunity to play with other girls her age, gaining a skill and physical activity that she needs. I love that other parents are right there with me, cheering our heads off and supporting the lessons our daughters are learning on and off the court. It is an amazing and wonderful experience.
Most of the time.
Today we played a team, one that was new to our league. And like many games that our girls play, we wanted to WIN this one. Last game we played we lost, and the girls were gnashing their teeth for another a victory, they NEEDED it. I always view each game as a learning experience, as an opportunity to put forth the best that is in them, and a chance to learn from their mistakes, or from their success. But I love it when they win, too, I will admit it. Today's game I decided that I needed to help with the concession stand, as I had volunteered to help, but had yet had gotten in to help. So I left my husband and Mom to view most of the game, and I tried to catch some of the action. I missed the action, but got several accounts and I pulled together some views that I wanted to share.
Our girls were at 6 to the visiting team's 4, and the other team was FRUSTRATED. It had been a close game, and our offense and defense were playing well. But the ball became a T-Bone steak, and the girls were starving Pitt bulls, and their parents were, well, they were salivating in the stands as well. I know I like to shout out and cheer my head off, but what happened left me shaking my head. One of our girls went after a ball the opposite team had and when they wrestled for the ball, they both landed hard on the court, both of them knocking their heads to the floor. Both were injured. And while the coaches and referees were out on the floor trying to see what was the extent of the injuries, one mother (the opposing side) raced out onto the court to scream in the face of our 17 year old referee and curse obscenities that you never want your third and fourth grader to hopefully hear until they are at least in high school, hopefully NEVER. She was asked to leave the rest of the game, and she finally consented. (However, that did not help the following older girl's game.) I was glad that the girls did not seem to be seriously hurt, but it was shocking the behavior of some of the opposing sides parents in the aftermath. Their boys team had beaten our boys the game before, and the following older girls game afterwards. However, the missing victory over our third and fourth graders must have left a sour taste in their mouths that they just couldn't get over. But that was not the real issue for me.
The REAL issue is WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR CHILDREN? Can we as adults, when we don't like something in our grown- up lives pitch a cursing fit when things don't go our way??? Do we get to jump in other people's faces when we don't like that they got the promotion we wanted and act like a fool? Do we get into a police officer's face when the cop gets us for doing something we shouldn't and curse like a sailor? Actually, yes, I have seen it. It is shameful and shocking behavior that is derided and scornfully viewed on "World's Most Shocking Videos" and "Dumbest People" video shows. No one wants to be on those shows, however, some of us lose control over the dumbest things. And sports have become one of them. I understand being upset when one of our children is hurt, but both kids got banged up over their intense desire to prove themselves. In life that sometimes happens--we seek out our desperate and intense desires, and sometimes we fail, sometimes we succeed. But rarely do we go through life without injury or disappointment; in fact, it is from some of our most painful circumstances that we learn our most valuable lessons. And when we make mistakes, it is important to own up to those mistakes.
Too many times in life I see people try to blame everyone else for their problems. I had an ex that went through about every different job that he could get in our town and continually lost every job. I began to fear that he would run out of places of employment. It was always somebody else's fault--the co worker's, the boss's, the business', or SRS child support's fault that he simply could not work at the establishment anymore. I am seeing the same sad affair in the sports arena. It is ALWAYS the referee's fault for not calling or seeing every infraction in the game. It is ALWAYS the other team's fault for not playing fairly, when their team is just as much at fault for doing the same things. It is ridiculous. MAN UP, people! When your team loses a game, use it as a learning experience. When your referee misses a call on the opposite team, recognize that your own team benefits when the same referee misses a call on your team. Everyone learns from their mistakes, at least the worthwhile in society (survival of the most adaptable.) And for goodness sake, be an example for your child. Let your child see true integrity, grace under pressure, and plain and honest GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP. Because I got to tell you, if everyone acted like a reality star when their kid is playing a sport, I don't think there would be too many kids interested in continuing in said sport. I know I wouldn't keep playing, and as a parent, I would not let my child be involved in such a DRAMA-FEST.
The truth of the matter is this, and it is that I would have just enjoyed being part of a team, and getting the ball passed to me occasionally. And I am thankful that my daughter gets to experience that feeling of camaraderie, and learn something new and exciting. I just hope she manages to have far more good examples of how an athlete should behave, and disregard the "World's Dumbest Sports Parents."
